Being interested in what people are searching about relationships I have found that one of the popular questions was “Where do relationships go wrong?”. So I have thought about it for a while and come up with 3 areas where the relationships may not go the way we wanted them to go:
- You are no more compatible
- You become indifferent and resentful to each other
- You didn’t give each other space
- You are no more compatible
Relationships change over the course of time because we change and the circumstances we live in too so it is inevitable to stay connected with each other and address anything we feel is crossing the boundaries in order to stay compatible. Otherwise we step on the path of resentment and dissatisfaction which may lead to disconnection.
- You become indifferent and resentful to each other
This can start in a very subtle way and it is related to the point above but I would like to point to a more serious reason and that is, the reason why you are together is not clear anymore. I do not think it can survive purely on emotions, without solid fundamentals that are mostly built on common experiences it can break down as a house of cards. One of the ways to solve this is to address issues as they arise and not “sweep them under the carpet” - we women are especially very good at this mostly because of the fear of losing the relationship. The other way to maintain this is to schedule regular times when you will connect to each other.
- You didn’t give each other space
Sometimes when we meet someone we want to spend as much time as we can with them but by giving them space is actually the best thing we could give them so that they can process their thoughts, emotions and connect again with us when they are ready. So take it slow and enjoy every moment of the relationship. The other thing is when we didn't communicate our expectations upfront e.g. what we are looking for and what is our current situation.
So what can we do about it? As the number one thing, I would suggest having a catch-up, review every week to ask hard questions, do planning, evaluate. So for example about expectations, about “What could I do better?” and sharing your expectations. Not many people do this but those who do, have a completely different and higher quality of their relationships. The thing that I found about relationships is that they create a platform, a space where we can grow into. The other thing is to keep the connection, do not let the flower wither completely.
Personally I think that the more serious we look at the relationships the more enjoyable they will be for us in the long run.
Be disciplined about relationships, nothing else can bring such a level of happiness and joy and the sense of connection. Because this is what we are looking for. Since the prehistoric times we were part of the group so we function the best in the group, our bodies and minds are physiologically wired to be in the group. That of course does not mean that we cannot live on our own but a relationship with someone gives us another dimension in life.
