Why Complaining Can Ruin Your Life and How to Stop

mindset, coaching, complaining, Eckhart Tolle, Abraham Hicks, present, ego, solution, happy, joy, excitement, question, critic
February 20, 2022
Silvie Francisci

Sometimes I ask myself, and you may be as well, “Why is this happening to me?”, especially when I am facing a difficult situation or when I am shocked by some news that I have not expected happening like e.g. I missed the train, an electricity bill increased or when the thing I wanted to buy was sold out.

Over the years I have learned how to redirect my thoughts and stopped asking this question and I started feeling much better in these situations. Here is why and how to do it.

This question is at its core suggesting that the world is owing something, that you expected something to happen which eventually did not happen. If you flip the perspective and realise that you are the creator rather than a victim of things happening to you, your point of view will change dramatically. We need to realise that the whole concept that “the world is owing you something” is incorrect in the first place. Also the question may imply that there is something wrong with you as your expectations were not met which is again incorrect. 

If you behave the way that the world owes us something, you put the centre of your attention on other people and you give away your power. The only way to fix this is to take responsibility and change your behaviour so that you create and see things you are expecting in your life happening. So, for example, for the missed train, next time coming to the train station earlier would be the correct action. For the electricity bill, checking with another provider or switching to gas in order to pay less for electricity may be a solution. And for the missing stock in the shop, next time I can order it online or find it in another shop. Do you see the difference? THAT question is putting you in the state of focusing on the problem rather but in order to get out the key is focusing on the solution.

This is the only one approach in my life that proved that it is working and it brings results and empowers you in the way you have never expected. Why? Because you don't expect other people to make you happy. Because you take the responsibility and show the world that these are my standards, this is what I want or this is what I expect. And I strongly believe that you come to this world to experience a lot of joy and excitement. And as Abraham Hicks says, “Life is supposed to feel good”. If you think otherwise or that you need to suffer in life, you are going to see in your life situations in which you are suffering because of what you think of, you attract into your life. Your thoughts are powerful sources of energy, either negative or positive. So, if you ever have an issue or if you ever start complaining like “Why they don't do this” or “Why did he or she do this to me?”, take a moment, take a deep breath and instead of putting their decision on them, you know the weight of responsibility on them, put it on you because it's really you who decides whether you get hurt, disappointed, rejected or whether you get excited, happy and satisfied. And if you change your perspective, you will change your mental state and you will see that the world is a great place to live.

You will probably agree with me if I say that our beliefs are very important because they generate thoughts and thoughts generate emotions. So if you want to feel better, you need to start looking into your beliefs. That's the only way to handle complaining. Because as the question suggested, “Why is this happening to me?”, you believe in the first place that someone is owing you something. And so by switching this belief and taking the responsibility and ownership of your actions in life you will eventually stop complaining because it is a very liberating feeling. I would say that it is not easy but it makes you stronger as well. 

Now let’s look at complaining from another perspective. As I said, if you are complaining, you're giving your power away. First It may feel as a relief, but it is like a boomerang and it will come back to you. The other thing is that usually complaining and criticism are about unmet needs. So you can ask yourself, How can I meet this need? Whether it's for example need of security or need of connection, addressing the need will usually dissolve complaining. Also, you need to understand that complaining is a game that your ego likes to play. If you want to learn more about ego please read the book called “New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. This book is amazing because despite being a short one it is going deep. And one of the things it says is that anytime we feel superior or inferior, i.e. we think we are better or worse than others, that's the game of ego and that's not who we are, it's our mind playing tricks on us. It requires many months of practice and to start being aware of the thoughts that are “flowing” in our head and shift them. For me it’s getting easier thanks to regular meditation because that’s a brilliant way to keep watching your thoughts. Over the course of time you will see that in the situation when your ego starts to play and you feel that you are less educated than the person that you are speaking with or that you are earning more money than them, bringing yourself into the present moment will not only make you feel happy but it will also allow to focus on the topic of the conversation and seeing the other person as an equal human being. And as you can see, we are nicely back to your belief, i.e. I believe that I am better or worse than others. If you think that you are equal to others, you’re going to generate respective thoughts which will generate emotions and you will feel great about yourself, and you will attract people, events and situations in your life that are going to reflect those beliefs and your life will change. It's that simple. The thing is that we think that it's so complicated, which was my case many years ago. So, I would like to encourage you to write down your beliefs, and those you do not like make them positive ones. Ideally when you finish reading this article and before another task comes in, and work on these as described so that you can heal your life and feel that your life has meaning and purpose. 

Because only when we take time to do something about our life, and not let it be the last thing on the to do list then we can live a richer and happier life. Allow great things to happen to you.

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